“Everything flashed and thundered”: the star of “Catch Kaidash” Antonina Khizhnyak about the worst day during the war and changes in life

“During filming, I thought: “God, this is reality! It happens almost every day.”

- Tonya, what has changed for you in this year of the big war?

- It’s hard to say, maybe after the victory there will be an opportunity to return to the pre-war version, but now I feel that I myself have changed. Became tougher, more categorical. A lot of deferred emotions, feelings - you can’t even rejoice and cry. Of course, it gets easier from time to time. But the time of the year also affects me a lot. My friends know that in winter I fall into suspended animation, I do everything automatically, this is not even close to the state in which I am in summer. I am Leo, I was born in the height of summer, July 28, so I love the heat, the sun. When it’s gray and cold at home, it’s hard for me. It’s still bad to mention the time when our house was permanently without electricity for 18 hours for two months, the apartment heated up to a maximum of 10 ° C - I slept in a down jacket.

You said you’ve tightened up. At what point did you realize that yes, as before, it will no longer be?

- It was in March. Me and Sasha (actor Alexander Bodnar. - Auth.). returned from the canteen where they volunteered, were tired, read the news feed, and I saw the news that a bomb had been dropped on the Drama Theater in Mariupol. There were women and children… Then I cried for the first time and realized who we were dealing with. I don’t even know what to call them. My world was torn in two. Before that, it seemed that it would end soon, because this cannot go on forever: in 2022, there will be war in the center of Europe! A huge country is attacking us, and the whole world does not know what to do with it. And here I read that these creatures deliberately throw a bomb where it says “children.” At that moment, the understanding came that they would not stop and in two weeks - a month the war would not end yet.

See also: “The rocket exploded near my parents’ house”: Timur Miroshnichenko about his aggression and big changes in life

— What inspires you?

- If I don’t sleep for a long time, don’t eat and worry, then there is no inspiration. First you need to put your body in order, give it time, listen to the body - what it needs more now. Sasha and I have already returned to training, we go to the gym, I go to stretching. I haven’t exercised for four months, but now I feel a new cycle of life. The New Year has already begun in spring, daylight hours are increasing, strength and a desire to listen to something, come up with something, and go to a meeting appear. Sometimes I want to shut myself off from the whole world and sit at home, but this does not give me any pleasure. I need to meet people, communicate, plan. I draw inspiration from the process, work. I also like to listen to music.

- Did you hope that, despite the war, a movie would be made?

Nobody could make predictions. In my heart, of course, I hoped. The only thing was constant doubts: what exactly should we shoot and broadcast, what kind of stories would they be, about whom. I really assess the situation and understand that now is more time for documentary projects than for games. Therefore, I am glad that the first feature series during the war, “I am Hope,” touched on the history of a real paramedic. The people who work every day today ensure our daily survival—medics, utilities, social workers, food processors are the real heroes.

- What did you feel when you received an invitation to shoot in a series about the war?

- When I read the synopsis, the first reaction was: “Oh, this is going to be hard!”. To shoot a series about events that we all witness is responsible. In such topics, you have no room for error. Because this is not some kind of fictional story, some situations are written off from real events. To be honest, I was worried if I had the mental and physical strength to go into the project. By that time, I doubted whether I could even return to the set.

- And what was the decisive moment?

- He played acting courage: how is it to be unemployed for a whole year, and then go into shooting, is this even real ?! It was interesting how we organize the filming process during the war, given the curfew, the alarm, the lack of electricity. And most importantly, the project is an opportunity to honor the people who work for us at the risk of their lives.

What scenes were the hardest for you?

- Most of all, I remember shooting in Irpin, when we shot a large-scale scene on the street, next to empty nine-story buildings. On the site were rescuers of the State Emergency Service, fire engines, ambulances. Full imitation of a call on arrival. And I thought, “God. God, this is reality! This happens almost every day.

I was still afraid that we would scare the residents. But the team refused the classic action scenes with fire, explosions, destruction, because there are certain restrictions due to martial law, and from the moral side, they didn’t want to injure those living there.

“The five-year-old son said: “Everyone needs to speak Ukrainian. When everyone speaks Ukrainian, the war will end.”

What was your February 24th like?

“About five in the morning, my brother called first on the phone. He’s a hard worker, but he also likes to take a walk, so I thought that after the party he wants to call on me. I ask: What is it, why are you calling? Pause … “Sister, war.” And then everything. Shock. We live on the 16th floor, some windows overlook our city, others - Obukhov, Kalinovka, where my parents are. Everything flashed, thundered, every hour it became louder. I started calling my relatives - who, where and how. I remember clearly: one of the first things I did automatically was to take pictures of documents. At the same time, I was collecting a “disturbing” backpack, and we went down to the basement. But it cannot be called a reliable shelter, because there must be two exits, access to water and air. If you suddenly hit a 16-story building, it just adds up, and that’s it. At first we ran to the vault whenever there was a siren. During the year of the war, attitudes towards this changed. We almost stopped going down, because at night with a sleeping child, who still needs to be dressed on the way, you don’t run into.

- On the 24th, did you think about leaving the city?

- No. Remember, in the movie Fight Club there is a scene where the houses are falling down, everything is on fire, and they just look at it all and hold hands. Yes, and we. In the first three days there were huge traffic jams in the city, because people from Kiev were leaving through Ukrainka, and Sasha and I stood at the window and watched. We didn’t have any idea of ​​going on our own. Moreover, my grandmother lives in Ukrainka, whose condition deteriorated sharply at the beginning of the war. We started taking her for examinations, stayed in hospitals, and finally, in April, we went to Kyiv, where she underwent heart surgery. After that, it finally became clear that she needed constant care. So I had reasons to stay. From the first second I had the feeling that I should be at home, I am the safest here, and I will be here until the end.

- Your ex-husband was not opposed to you and your son staying near Kiev?

- The first weeks there was no understanding at all what to do. Then the man’s family and his girlfriend went to visit relatives in Ternopil. I let my son go with them, because I myself did not want to go and could not, but they are still not strangers to him. Moreover, Maxim loves his grandmother very much, she is like a second mother to him. That’s why I was calm. While my son was in Ternopil, Sasha and I volunteered, helped foundations, cooked in the canteen for our military. A month later, I went to visit my son, and we all returned home together.

See also: “Together we are stronger”: Vera Kekelia saved her marriage during the war

How did your son react when the war started?

“I tried to control myself. But he himself heard and saw everything, because it was quite loud and scary. Maxim immediately understood the “rules of the game”, and during these months of the war he matured very quickly. At the age of 5 and a half, he perfectly understands what it means when a siren sounds, that you need to pack up and leave, this is not the time to be capricious. I didn’t tell him the details, I didn’t pump him up with negativity, but over time he began to draw conclusions that surprised me. When the air defense works or he sees a missile, he says: “This missile is flying from Russia, and our soldiers are protecting us. And let’s draw something for our military.” When I was sewing flags, he offered to send the flag to the soldiers. It was a revelation for me when he said: “Everyone should speak Ukrainian. When everyone speaks Ukrainian, the war will end.”

What was the most difficult moment for you last year?

- Probably, when my grandmother was in different hospitals. The decision was made to perform open heart surgery on her. She is 78 years old, so we were very worried about how everything would go. I did everything because I live closer to her. At some point, she was so ill that she could no longer walk, so she had to find a cart to take her. Then there was no gasoline, there were checkpoints everywhere. It was a tense moon. It became easier when she returned home and I realized that my grandmother can take care of herself a little - go to the toilet, cook some food. Now she feels much better, but I continue to help her. It’s already forever. And this is another reason why I do not want to go anywhere. Who then will take care of my grandmother? I love him so much. It seems to me that I have artistry, because Maria Yakovlevna is still that artist (laughs. - Auth.).

“Do you know what you will do first of all when we win?”

- I want to go on tour in Ukraine. I will definitely go to the sea, to our Ukrainian Crimea. Sasha is from Sevastopol, and this is a painful topic for him. In 2014, green men came to his hometown and took the house. Now there is one big dream for two - to drive out all these cockroaches from there so that he can go home to the Crimea, as before.

Recently, the host of “Breakfast with 1 + 1” Yegor Gordeev told about the full-scale invasion of Russia in Ukraine experienced over the year.